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Why are couples getting divorced? Sometimes a divorce looks like something wrong has matured and has been needed. In this case, it is experienced as something right and carries a feeling of relief, reassurance. Obsolete relationship often ends, lasting in vain. Typically, a divorce begins with the fact that the couple is growing dissatisfaction with marriage, which is not discussed, but only undermines the relationship: time goes on, the relationship is getting colder. The meaning of this dissatisfaction as a whole is the failure to fulfill the goal of marriage, or its.
When a couple comes for the help of a psychotherapist in a pre-divorce state, divorce and separation counselling is a common thing. Unfortunately, it doesn’t often happen when people who have already decided to divorce go to a psychotherapist for help. A psychotherapist can fulfill the function of a catalyst for divorce, or, conversely, help to discover the psychological meaning that does not work, and help to find another idea for a couple.
The state of a person before marriage is drugged by love, falling in love, it is so reminiscent of a narcotic effect! Behind this state of love all flaws are seen as virtues, zest. For example, “How could I love such a man!” or “How could I connect my life with this woman!” All this thoughts overtake us later. And when people marry, our mind is pushed away by joy and love. It works by intuition, a matrix of gender, the experience of observing the marriage of parents, anything but a strong mind.
When is divorce psychotherapy needed? When the love is already gone and the couple suddenly wonders, usually someone is one of the couple, and not both at once. Someone whose purpose in marriage is at stake, about three to five years after the wedding. When someone did something wrong, cheated, wasted money, in general, somehow non-verbally informed that, it seems, it’s time to get divorced.
In the case of deception, betrayal, a mass of complex feelings and emotions are born: disgust, guilt, anger and the feeling of being useless, wounded, abandoned. In all this complicated mess of feelings, the crisis of marital relations is passing. The couple, like a dyad, is inclined to strengthen these feelings, behind this strengthening, scandals and quarrels of the “child of the mind” are splashed out. Maybe it’s time to attract a third psychotherapist! Not to involve children in all this horror.
You can hire a psychotherapist to help with the upcoming divorce, you can hire a depression counsellor, but this is level 80, and not everyone does it. If this were the norm, half of the divorces, or, more precisely, one fourth of the total number of divorces could be avoided by improving the statistics for this country.
Do people need therapy with a psychotherapist after a divorce? If such a question arises, it is necessary. A rational, intelligent and tough person, who explained everything to himself after a divorce and did not feel anything, can remain the same for his next marriage.